Clumsy!

A new and particularly irritating part of my condition is being more and more clumsy.

Is that normal for dementia? I have no idea because there is NOTHING out there in the way of support for sufferers.

A heap of resources exist for carers, yeah I get it, they are the ones who really suffer in the end, but meanwhile, WHAT ABOUT THE SUFFERERS???

Why the hell can’t I find anything useful about this condition and what to expect from it?

When I say clumsy, I am not talking about just the odd mishap. I break things unintentionally, knock things over,  crack my toes, knees and shins on objects. It is becoming more and more annoying.

My typing is deteriorating more and more and my short term memory seriously sucks now!

I am still getting out, still producing videos, photographing and filming. That seems so much easier than doing things that involve typing.

The website update that I have been working of for 3 years PLUS, is in its final stages but even though I am almost at the end, I am finding the last bit SO HARD to finish.

My emotional side has been shut down and considering that I have always been very emotional, this was a difficult thing to do. It was quite deliberate and calculated but I see it as the only way I can deal with difficulties in my personal life.

It is funny how the people who say they love you can often be the ones that cause the greatest amount of grief.

I don’t want to go into details, I don’t think there is much point anyway. What is done is done and cannot be undone.

I am becoming more selfish. I spent a VERY LONG TIME trying to hold everything together and in the end I had just been wasting my time. I ‘get’ that all of us are in part responsible for the difficulties last year but my real feeling is that people will, in the end, do what is best for themselves and are happy to knife anyone in the back if it suits their agenda.

That is now my new ‘take on life’. I used to spend almost every waking moment trying to do the best thing for others so now I am trying to do what is best for ME!

I know my time is running out and I am not going to spend it dancing to other people’s tunes.

My intention is to take the path of least resistance but at the same time, do what I want to do. Let’s see how well that little plan plays out in the end….

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